Tonight's school play is "The Three Little Pigs. " Each student will play a character. I will distribute costumes as you pray your role. I love theater and hope for the lead role as the wolf. Cody, like mother like son, you will be a pig. Penelope, you will be a pig too. Don't be a misogynist, Junior. Be a pig. Joseph, you will also be a pig. Jeffy, you get to be the big bad wolf. And Cody, you are a tree, even though there's no tree in the story; that's where they get the sticks from.